I Gave Up Alot In Order to Get What I Have (And I Won’t Apologize for It)

 

In 2017, my heart and world broke simultaneously. I struggled for most of the year deciding if I should stay with my fiancé or cancel our upcoming nuptials as well as our future life. Once I realized what was missing from our relationship, I knew I had several options. I could stay, lie to myself, and feign happiness for the remainder of my days. I could bolt, break it off, and forge a new path on my own, or, I could cowardly try to straddle both lives, still lying to all, while I potentially danced in the shadows of infidelity. In the end, I chose Door #2. Thus, even though I hated it in P.E. class, I decided to run – to break it off, then sprint into the unknown….and I’m sincerely thankful I did.

As you might imagine, breaking off an engagement in a map-dot kind of town was front page news for months, and if that wasn’t enough, the hateful, unsolicited comments I received from others were enough to make a girl go into hibernation. I already felt awful and certainly didn’t need help from anyone else in that department, but still, people told me that I was making a mistake, and that I’d come to regret my decision. True, I had to give up some beautiful things like a sweet fiancé and his loving family, but what I received in return far outweighed that initial, painful decision. I don’t regret my choice, and in fact, I only wish that I would’ve made it sooner…if only for both of our futures. Now that several years have passed, I’ve had a great deal of time to consider all that came with deciding upon Door #2. Consequently, I’ve outlined a couple major things that I gave up, what I now have, and why I won’t apologize for the choices made, because I think the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make so far in all reality, may have been my best.

I gave up a somewhat certain, traditional life for the beautiful and wide open one I have now.

I was bound for marriage, a steady job, kids, a house and dog, grand-babies, and rocking chairs. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Yes, it was the life I always thought I wanted, and I knew walking away from it meant there was a chance I may never see it again. Funny enough, I love the one I have now even more. I’m learning new things about myself every day, in a cozy home and sweet location, with a pretty special guy, and of course, a dog (that part was never going to change). While it’s scary at times, that wide open expanse ahead of me, I too know it only means I can go anywhere.

I gave up dependency on another in exchange for figuring out what I really wanted for my life, all by myself.

Still blind to the status of my relationship, I was content to follow my fiancé to whatever city, doing whatever work I could find, never questioning if it was honestly what I wanted. Once I started taking baby steps on my own, I understood that finding a career and home I love, while doing it without the crutch of another to lean on meant far greater than just going with the flow. I was meant to do more than play a supporting role in his life as well as my own, and I cannot tell you how happy I am that I came to that understanding, and stepped out as the lead character in my life – just as it should be. Now, because of this decision, I’m reassessing my career, exploring what truly makes me happy, and learning to fill my life with more of what I’m passionate about. If for this reason only, I will never regret my decision to walk away.

I gave up comfort to gain happiness.

The most important realization I made was that I’d been living in an unknown comfort zone for 3 years while in that relationship. Everything was okay, everything was fine, but there was never anything more, never anything below the surface. In truth, what I was doing was settling. I was going through the motions. I was opting for good, and forgoing great. I was content in that space, unquestioning the life and level of happiness I could have. My fiancé was a wonderful, kind man but I never truly loved him in the way I needed to in order to make our life together last. And that was my biggest relationship revelation – there was nothing about him that was settling, but it was the kind of life we’d have together that would be. Maybe we would’ve had an okay life together, but lacking true happiness, I would’ve always felt like something was missing, and I simply couldn’t accept that. It’s my belief that life is too short to spend it fully in your comfort zone, apathetic, and hanging on to mediocre relationships. And so, I gave up my comfort zone, indifference, and half-hearted smiles. Years later, I entered into a different relationship and received adventure, excitement, and extra toothy grins all because of one thing – I was happy. That is a feeling worth fighting for, and one that I will never feel sorry about chasing.

Three years ago, I thought my world was ending. That the sun would surely fail to rise on the eastern horizon the next day. That the Mayan’s got it wrong – it wasn’t supposed to be 2012, it was actually 2017 when the world would end. Now on the other side of it all, I’d say the life I was always meant to live has only just begun. The one where I don’t settle for anything less than being happy.

About The Author

Margo Myers is a Health Education Specialist, animal lover, and caffeine addict. She loves visits to her family farm, walks with her dog, Otis, and watching Gilmore Girls and The Office on repeat. Margo enjoys writing health and fitness-related articles as well as penning healthy, happy relationship pieces. Follow her on Instagram

My Grandparents Love Has Shown Me ‘Happily Ever After’ is Possible

We come from a time where if something was broken, we fix it. Not throw it away.” -Unknown

I believe in one beautiful marriage thanks to my grandparents.

I know in today’s society it’s hard to even keep a relationship going longer than keeping a fish alive. We have Tinder, where the meaning of falling in love has turned into a vain swipe of the finger.

Our society has given us a skewed view of love and marriage that isn’t true. Apparently, divorce is a way out, marriage is a trap, and the idea of being with one person for the rest of your life is not ideal.

I think our generation has lost the real beauty of love and marriage.

If we have this mindset all our life, that loving someone who we marry is optional, we start to believe it. And the marriage that was supposed to be “till death does us part” becomes a reflection of it.

Growing up, as I watched my grandparent’s marriage, I’ve come to believe “forever and always” might actually be true.

I’ve always aspired to have a marriage like my grandparent’s.

They just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary… and counting.

They taught me love is real and true love is lasting.

Marry your best friend.

Friendship is key. As cliche as this sounds it is the absolute truth. From the day you say I do to 60 years later you are still able to laugh together. How rare is it to have someone who will make you smile most of your life? Laughter makes life and marriage beautiful and lasting.

Have different interests.

My grandma loves art and my grandpa loves music. Two different things can come together.

My grandpa will invite me into his office and we will listen to Frank Sinatra for hours while my grandma will show me her art she’s painted and baskets she weaved.

They don’t need to do everything together all their lives. They find simple pleasures in life that are separate from each other.

To love a good man, you need to be a good woman. And vice versa.

Who we are is a reflection of who we love. We admire their kindness, compassion, and sense of self. What we lack they have. We learn to be a better person because of them. We learn to love this individual in a way no one ever can.

Bicker, do not fight.

My grandparents have disagreed on how to make a sandwich for sixty years. Sixty years of love and happiness and, of course, petty bickering. You do not give up on love because you do not agree on something. You call each other incompetent, laugh about it, and get over it.

You do not hold a grudge or point out their flaws. You simply get over it, because any time that you spend disliking each other turns into resentment. Marriage isn’t built and cannot last on resentment.

Choose to love.

Life has a way of taking away our happiness and then giving it back to us in a fierce repeating cycle. The days when it seems most incapable to love are the ones when you need to love the most.

You get to choose every day to love this person for the imperfect person they are.

Never give up.

When all you can afford to have for dinner is potatoes and onions, it could turn into being one of your most special nights together. It’s not the quality of the dinner or the quality of the date, it’s just about quality time.

And spending that time with your best friend. Hard times will surface, but how you react to them and how you overcome them matter the most.

Forgive each other

A heart that cannot forgive is one that cannot love. Forgive them and keep forgiving them. Sixty years is a long time to not be able to forgive someone for their mistakes, their past, and their faults.

Life and love is a gift

And having a life full of love is an even more precious gift.

Times were not easy then and they do not get any easier. Falling in love, starting a family, and creating a life together is a gift and it keeps giving generation after generation.

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