The record-breaking Barbie Movie is a Billion Dollar box office smash. And Greta Gerwig’s clever dialogue and creative spin on how to deftly point out gender inequality and lack of autonomy has empowered women to the point of solidarity with their besties and breakups with their boyfriends. Who knew a doll made of plastic and stereotypical ideals could create such a revolution so many years after its inception? Such a progressive movie for Mattel to make. The same company famous for its trademark stringency, remember Aqua and the Bratz dolls? Either way, this is progress, and we are here for it. I could listen to America Ferrera’s speech on repeat and have already considered using a snippet for my voicemail. “Sorry, I cannot come to the phone right now; I am too busy juggling patriarchy plates designed for me to ultimately drop and feel bad about myself..”
There were so many great Barbies in the movie. From Presidents to Physicians, it really is a Barbies world, and the Kens (Ryan Gosling aside) are just barely Kenough. We thought about some modern-day Barbies that were missing in the movie and should be on the shelves in time for Barbie 2. Here are eleven Barbies we think should make the cut.
1.) Boundary Setting Barbie.
Comes with red flags as accessories and can only say the word “No” but in multiple languages. With her hands permanently outstretched
2.) Back It Up Barbie.
This Barbie is a data analyst and can back up every statement she makes. She has a voice recorder, laptop, whiteboard and is proficient in “Know It All” and “Won’t Back Down” skills.
3.) Bombastic Barbie
A Barbie with a permanent Bombastic Side Eye and wearing an outfit that screams apathy and disinterest.
4.) Resting Bitch Face Barbie.
It’s all in the lips, and it is NOT a reflection of how Barbie really feels. But that is everyone else’s problem.
5.) Sustainable Barbie
Don’t let this Barbie’s “Prairie” look fool you. This Boho Chic Barbie is smart, studious, and hardworking and loves a good Christy Dawn Dress. She is NEVER on social media and loves growing her own vegetables. She is an eco-activist at heart, after all…
6.) Remote Worker Barbie
Lululemon wearing and casual cool. It is pajama day every day for this work from Home Barbie. She is ready for her Zoom call, and her laundry is also done. So there!
7.) Breakfast Barbie
Best meal of the day. This champion only eats her favorite cereal.
8.) Break Up Barbie
This Barbie is full of one-liners that you can use to end your dead-end relationship.
9.) Big Dog Barbie
This Barbie knows she is done with dating for a while. She has a big dog that always sleeps in the bed to prevent anyone from moving in. This Barbie knows that Dogs are better than Boyfriends.
10). Multilevel Marketing Barbie
Rodan And What? This Barbie comes with essential oils and her own Facebook group to market to. Do NOT accept her friend request unless you are prepared to shop.
11.) Quietly Quitting Barbie
LinkedIn is just a favorite away on this Barbie’s computer. She also has a burner phone as an accessory.
12.) Just Add Water Barbie.
This Barbie is your call anytime, ride or die, plus one, and forever bestie. She is there for you in a pinch and can plan a long game trip with you too. Accessories include an overnight bag, a cellphone with you as her favorite, and high heels, running shoes, and flip flips, just in case…
13.) Manifestation Barbie.
If you think about it, you can achieve it. This Barbie comes with a set of mini tarot cards, crystals, and a dream catcher.
Header Image Mattel