If she could trace it back to one boy, it probably started in the sand table at the age of five.
She fell madly in love with a little boy who kissed her during recess and loved him for about a week then moved on to the next.
It was a pattern she was stuck in, not in a bad way, but there was no getting out of this groove.
It would always last a week or two of mad, heart crushing love before she’d get bored and find another guy.
She might even be a bit of a masochist because she truly loved and still does love the heartbreak of it all. Low key she also loved to break their hearts too.
It almost stopped being fun when they started to like her back.
Her best friends joke that she will never marry, she’ll be the eternally single, the fun aunt and honestly, this doesn’t seem so bad if she’s being honest.
She often plays it off as wanting more than a husband and kids. She wants to live paycheck to paycheck, traveling the world, exploring every inch of what this life has to offer.
But truly, this need for more in life is build up on her shaky foundation of being scared.
She is the queen of commitment issues. Abandonment is her greatest fear, and so, she doesn’t fully commit to relationships.
She has not had a relationship lasting longer than a few months, which to her friends, all in their twenties like her is appalling.
She comes off crass, ruthless, and often times, mean. It can be her greatest strength for she doesn’t take any shit, but it also means she’s very closed minded and scares people off.
Does she like the chase? Yes. Does she like the hurt? Probably.
This worries me because it probably means a healthy relationship is a long way off. It’s easier to be the fun friend, the no fuss friend, the always on friend.
She likes it that way and so she always dresses perfect, always acts honestly, always takes care of everyone else.
At the end of the day it will just take time. It will take some moving both physically and emotionally until she finds her place. People will come and people will go.
For now, she focuses on the thought that love is not the only thing out there and she’s a very happy person as is. Not all the time, of course, but who is?
Whether or not she meets someone, she’s learning to love herself and as cliche as that sounds… that is a lifelong commitment.