I never got to grow up with a father. I never heard bedtime stories or got to hug my father goodnight. I never got to say goodbye before he went to work. I never got to do any of those things and it used to make me angry as hell. But now I strongly believe that growing up without a father made me the best mom that I am today.
As I grow up, I appreciate the life that I did have and the people that were there. I understand that family doesn’t always mean blood and that you don’t have to be a victim of your past.
You can only let something weigh on your mind for so long before it consumes you. You can’t change time. You can’t go back and make things different. You can’t make someone else see your worth or make him want to change their worth.
What you can do is move on. Say your peace and let your disappointment be known. Focus on being the best version of yourself and understand that you are probably a better person because of all of it. And that’s exactly what I did, I became the best mother I can be.
I am able to love another human being more than I ever thought was humanly possible. I have gotten to experience first hand just how important I am to someone other than myself.
It can be overwhelming and it can be tiring. Day in and day out I have to make sure that I put this child before myself and make sure she has everything she needs.
I used to go to the bathroom alone and take long showers with no fear of hearing little footsteps on the bathroom floor coming right for me.
There have been countless times I have stepped on toys in the dark or cleaned up messes that could have been avoided.
And boy oh boy, those damn temper tantrums that come with a toddler are intense and can drive anyone to their breaking point.
Even though all the late nights and early mornings, I would not trade my life for anything. I created the most beautiful little human and she is my greatest accomplishment.
So knowing what I know and loving my child like I do, I simply will never understand how someone could choose a life without his or her kids.
I don’t understand how they can go weeks or even days without seeing their faces. How they can say sorry and let it be so empty.
I will never understand how my father chose to miss out on moments with someone he helped create. I’ll never understand that.
But what I do understand now is that you can learn from other people’s mistakes and make better decisions and life’s choices for yourself. I choose to be the best mom that I can be even when I never had the love of a father in my life.