The best part about kissing is that everyone is different. Not one person will kiss the same as the next. However, this can be kissing’s downside, too. You never know when the person you’re feeling on is going to turn out to be a bad smoocher.
Luckily, a bad kisser isn’t a deal-breaker. A person’s kissing habits can change with just a little bit of practice and guidance. So, if you’ve discovered a bad kisser but want to go on smooching, then here are some tips to get them out of their bad habits.
The Pecker
The pecker is a person who will not open their mouth for anything. No tongue, no opening, nada. There’s only peck after peck of insufferably chaste kisses…just like an actual chicken.
The pecker is sometimes so firm in their lip/jaw placement that no amount of tongue thrusting will breach their puckered wall. So, you’ll need to get a little crafty. You can do two things with a pecker:
1. Sensually lick their bottom lip. The great part about this is that their mouth doesn’t need to be opened for you to do this, and your lick doesn’t have to be super sloppy. It just serves to let your partner know that you’re open to more tongue action in your make-out sesh.
Or,
2. You can grip both sides of their face with your hands. This is a strategic move on your part because with this positioning you can hold their face closer to yours so that your partner cannot bob backwards and forwards in their pecking. Holding their head allows you to make longer, more continuous kisses. Also, if you get your hands just right along their lower jaw, you just may be able to shift their focus enough to enable them to open up their firmly-shut lips.
The Lip-Receder
My sister didn’t know what a lip-receder was and upon explanation, she claimed that she’d never experienced one. Unfortunately, for me, I haven’t been as fortunate…
The lip-receder is a person whose lips disappear the moment you start kissing them, so you almost have to smash your mouth against theirs to feel like you’re actually making contact.
The tip for this one is sucking. You’ll need to suck on their lower or upper lip (whichever one is shrunken in the least) to try and extract it from its recession. A lip-receder doesn’t need a slight nibble, they need a firm tug on their lips. So, feel free to fully commit to this one.
The Teether
The teether is a person who accidentally knocks their teeth against their partner’s or who accidentally chaffs their teeth against your tongue. (*Shiver.*)
Teeth are awkward, and it is understandable that they can get in the way with lip smacking. However, they shouldn’t be getting in the way the entire time. If you’re making-out with a teether you need to do two things:
1) Use the least amount of tongue as possible. Nothing spoils a person’s day faster than biting down on your own tongue. Now picture somebody else biting down on your tongue…and um, uh fuck no.
2) Pretend you’re Kylie Jenner and pucker your lips like you’ve never puckered your lips before. You’re going to want to put as much distance between their teeth and your mouth as possible. Use your lips as a barrier.
The Snake-Licker
A snake-licker is someone who darts their tongue in and out of their partner’s mouth over and over and over again.
The snake-licker needs variety to shake up their horrible habit. To combat this kisser’s monotonous routine, you’ll need to close and open your mouth at random. Don’t stick to any set pace, try and catch your partner as off-guard as you possibly can.
Also, take the reins on this one. If you don’t like how your partner is using their tongue, show them how you like to be kissed. Put your tongue in their mouth for exactly how long you’d like them to have their tongue in yours and go at the pace you prefer, they’ll be sure to pick up the tempo in a few minutes.
The Gagger
The gagger is someone who leaves their tongue in your mouth for way too long or whose tongue is so thoroughly pushed down your throat, it clogs your airway.
Tip number one, breathe through your nose on this one.
Tip number two, become the pecker. Close your mouth as much as you possibly can and try to give smaller, chaste kisses to combat the overbearing tongue coming your way.
Tip number three, kiss your partner’s cheeks, neck, and chest in an effort to bypass their aggressive mouth + tongue.
And, if all else fails, you can run for the hills on this one.
The Jaw-Breaker
Lastly, is the jaw-breaker. This character of a kisser believes that the bigger the mouth, the better the kiss.
Problem. Your jaw can only open so far. You run the slight risk of dislocating your jaw by stretching it open too wide. Also, it’s incredibly uncomfortable.
To combat this kisser, you’ll need to tell them straight up that your mouth does not open that wide. Sure, you could nibble and peck and try to be all subtle about the problem, but you’re not certain to make much of an impact. Sometimes just telling a person what’s wrong or your personal kissing preferences is all you need to do to fix the problem.
(But…only for this one. On the others, you can use the tips above, and it’ll make all the difference in the world to your specific bad kisser.)
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