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If You're Too Afraid to Tell Him How You Feel, This is For You

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“Hi. How are you? You look nice today. How was your weekend? Oh, by the way, I’m in love with you.” That’s what I wish I could say. What I wish I were brave enough to say the next time I see you.

But I won’t. I’m a coward and its complicated and you’re too beautiful for me to think of anything to say other than something sarcastic or mean.

I hope you know that when I tease you it’s because I like you. That when I ignore you it’s because I’m scared of being too transparent. That when I laugh too loud at your jokes it’s because I think you’re the funniest person in the world, and that when I say something awkward it’s because you make me nervous. In a good way.

But of course you don’t know this, because I haven’t told you.

And I never will.

I like you, a lot.

If the world went my way, I would tell you how I felt, you would reciprocate, we would go on a date and it would be fireworks. You would look into my eyes with that expression I’ve only seen in movies and we would kiss on top of the Empire State Building. Our love would be forever.

Except the world doesn’t go how I wish and I’m afraid that if I told you how I felt you would get awkward, scratch the back of your neck and look off to the side.

You wouldn’t know how to let me down easy without ruining our friendship, or maybe you would be so uncomfortable by my feelings that you wouldn’t want to be friends at all.

That’s OK. I won’t make you do that. I won’t make you choose between me, girlfriend or me, friend.

I’ll choose for you. I choose friendship. I choose being able to talk to you, laugh with you, send you silly articles or pictures from the Internet or tell you when I’m sad.

I'd rather come to you for advice because I trust you and I know you’re smart and I believe you can help me. I choose shooting the breeze and laughing about yesterday’s chaos.

Maybe eventually I'll enjoy talking about our love interests. And maybe I choose the pain of hearing you describe someone else as your “dream girl.”

I choose friendship over nothing, and as much as it hurts me to do so, I think it would hurt me more not to.

You mean a lot to me — I do have a mega crush on you, after all.

I think you’re: smart, funny, handsome, talented, ready to take on the world and change it and I think you’re just about perfect.

I think you’re going to make some girl so happy some day, and I don’t know, maybe you already know who that girl is. I think you’re going to have the brightest future and I want to be a part of that, and if the only way to do that is to just be friends then yeah, OK, I’ll do it.

They say it’s better to take a risk for love than not have love at all, but the thing is — in a way, I know you do love me.

It’s not the way I wish you loved me, but it’s better than nothing at all.


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