Growing up in a beach town, my Summer memories are so strong. Here are tweety things that remind me of my childhood Summer and you can’t change my mind.
1.) The Ocean. I love the sea, the salt air and the sound and ebb and flow of the waves.
2.) Tropical fruits. Give me pineapple, guava, mangos and coconut all day long.
3.) Watermelon candy. Gives me the melancholy feels of a kid playing along the sandy beaches of my hometown.
4.) Smore’s are still dear to me. You can veganize them with Chomp bars.
5.) Bonfires on the beach. After a solid day of beach time.
6.) Sand in my burger. I can taste the grit now and nostalgically I love it.
7.) An In N Out meal. Nothing says summer more. Ok TK Burger maybe…
8.) Jumping on my skateboard. I can skate all day.
9.) Being lazy in my inflatable pool with a cool beer. In the front yard of course, because we want everyone to know we have an inflatable pool.
10.) Shorts, flips flops, a tank top and a flannel shirt around my waist. Summer uniform.
11.) Days at our community pool. A dollar for the day. We spent the whole day there.
12.) Theatre switching on a Saturday. Watching movies over and over again.
Sometimes in long-term relationships, there comes a point where a couple discusses taking that next step from “just dating” to “moving in together.” While it seems like a natural progression in any relationship, it’s actually a huge step to take as a couple. Sure, you may think it’s not such a big deal when the two of you spend every other night at each other’s own apartments anyway, but sleeping at someone’s apartment and actually sharing an apartment together are completely different things – trust me. While moving in may seem like an adorable and magical idea – playing “house” always makes every girl excited and happy – it’s a big f*cking deal, especially if there are things you’re unsure about or questions you don’t exactly have the answers to.
1. Make sure it’s something you both want to do.
Everyone feels as though it’s natural to move in together when you are a long term couple and you’re a certain age (in your mid-20’s/early-30’s). And, while it is a normal step to take in many relationships, you want to make sure that you and your partner are both happy and comfortable with the idea of living together. If one person is more into it and the other isn’t ready – don’t f*cking do it. You both need to be ready to take this step together because if one person isn’t ready, resentment will grow and your relationship will suffer because of it. I know a lot of couples who broke up after moving in together because they just weren’t ready or at that stage in their relationship to do so.
2. Make sure you’re doing it for the same reasons.
If you’re moving in with someone because you want to build a life with them, but they’re moving in with you because it’s financially convenient for them – it’s going to create tension. Make sure you discuss your intentions before you move in together. Make sure that you’re both on the same page and understand what living together really means. It’s not the same as just dating someone and staying over their apartment, you two are no cohabitating which means what’s yours is theirs and vice versa. You don’t want to have false expectations and hope and create conflict because you were both unclear of what you want.
3. Talk about finances, no matter how weird it may get.
When you move in with someone, your finances are now up front and important in your relationship. Most people will tell you not to discuss money with your partner unless you’re married, but, if you’re living together – everything matters in terms of money. And, it’s more than just rent. You’re going to paying for rent together, electric, cable, internet, food, furniture – everything you want to put in this apartment will be both of yours, not just yours or theirs. If your partner is financially irresponsible, that’s a big consideration you need to weigh before moving in. If you make more than your partner, that’s also something to think about. You don’t ever want to be stuck paying for 90% of the things in your apartment and your partner mooches off of your financial well-being, you’ll begin to get angry and resentful and will end up blowing up on them about it. The best thing you can do is discuss how to split things and make a schedule for things such as laundry, groceries and other necessities.
Most people don’t know that I have anxiety unless I tell them. I don’t seem like your “typical person with anxiety,” – or, whatever that means. Most people are shocked when I bring up my anxiety problems with them because, I don’t really struggle or function like the people in most stories, narratives or conversations typically do. But, that doesn’t mean that my anxiety problems are any less real or raw than others. Ever since I was young, I have always felt like my mind, my body and my life was on “over-drive.” I grew up in a very chaotic home and my childhood was never truly “stable.” With divorced parents, numerous financial issues, social struggles and other occurrences that most children don’t typically go through – I always felt as though I was “different.” After struggling for years, my mom thought that at 12-years-old, it’d be worth it for me to go “talk to someone” and see a therapist.
After years of therapy and seeing numerous specialists, I’ve been told by several doctors that I have what is known as “high functioning anxiety.” From an outsiders’ point of view, I’m a perfectionist, an ambitious worker, a social butterfly, a strong woman, a “happy-go-lucky” person, an organized individual. From a therapist’s point of view, I use work, conversations, risky decisions and non-stop schedules to mask my anxious thoughts.
Throughout my life, I have always been the girl from my small neighborhood that succeeded. Parents would always stop me when they’d run into me and say how “impressed” they were with how much I’ve achieved. Friends would reach out on Facebook and tell me how much they read my work and how awesome it was to know someone who writes for so many sites. My family would constantly speak about me in praise because I had pushed myself to succeed so well. If you looked at me, you’d never know that the majority of my accomplishments were parallel with an anxiety disorder I had struggled with and masked for years on end. While it may seem like anxiety typically is filled with despair, the kind of anxiety I had been told I deal with is “high-functioning,” which means, the majority of my disorder is masked with success. Along the way, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my anxiety and how to cope with it on an everyday basis.
My schedule is always packed because being busy means I have less time to think.
Ever since I was in high school, my schedule was jam-packed with things to do. I worked a few nights a week while in high school at a local pizzeria to keep busy. When I went to college, I picked up two more jobs while going to school full-time. Working or going to school 7-days per week kept me always running to do something and be somewhere that was important. It wasn’t the type of commitment where I could wake up and decide not to go. If I didn’t show up to a job, I would be fired. If I didn’t show up to school, I’d fail out. I kept myself preoccupied in order to keep myself constantly busy – which left my thoughts at bay and my anxieties at rest.
I have a lot of friends, yet I don’t see them very often.
Many people assume those with anxiety don’t have many friends or social circles because they get anxiety when it comes to making friends and keeping them. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I grew up being friends with several different circles and still maintain a lot of the friendships I had from middle school, high school and beyond. However, I don’t always see them. In fact, a lot of times, I don’t. Being someone with high-functioning anxiety, I feel if I’m not being productive, I’m wasting my time. Although seeing my friends is not unproductive, I do feel as though there are moments where they will cancel, or they’re late, and I have wasted my day or my time.
I have little “ticks” that most people think are just bad habits.
My mind is constantly on overdrive, and because of that, so are my habits. When I am sitting around watching TV or a movie in which I’m not doing a lot, my mind begins to scatter and I feel like I need to do something. My worst habit is that I pick skin or bite skin on my lip – it’s been a bad tick of mine since I was young. Everyone who knows me knows that it’s something I do – especially my family – and I’ve even had to get medication to heal the cuts that appear when I’ve been “picking” too much.
It sounds extremely gross, but it’s not something that I’m necessarily proud of (or feel comfortable sharing with the entire world, so congrats) but, it’s something that many people also go through. Some people pick at their cuticles or bite their nails, some people twirl their hair – and although it seems like just a “bad habit,” it can also be the sign of a deeper problem.
When we get nostalgic, we reminisce on the good things that happen, wishing we can relive them. Sometimes I wish those moments last.
I think about so many things in the past that have made me happy: college days, my trips to Israel, dancing, elementary school, fun hangouts with your high school friends, being a camp counselor, going to day camp, working at an old job, missing a friend – the list goes on.
I am not sure why but I tend to rather get sad than happy when I think about these times; sad because they’re over and I can’t relive them again. Can I do some of the things I have once done before? Of course, I can. But a saying goes, “All good things must come to an end,” and it’s true and it sucks.
I am sitting here working and barely sleeping and trying to figure out this adult life and it’s hard.
It pains me knowing that I can’t get back the things that I loved. I know this may sound a bit dramatic, but how would you feel sitting at home not wanting to go to work and pay bills and go to appointments and deal with life… Crap that’s thrown at you as an adult?
I am telling you – the youth days and college days were a blast.
I still miss some pastimes even if I did some things as an adult – I went to Israel at the age of 25 for the third time and I miss it like crazy. I will never see half of the girls on met on my trip that live around the globe. I love my boyfriend but can’t go out and flirt like I want to like I did in the good old days (I am very loyal to my boyfriend don’t worry).
These things may sound weird to miss and people may say, “Get over it.”
But, to be honest, I feel like sometimes my life is slipping away through work, bills, and boredom and I am not sure what to do. It pains me. I am happy for the good memories I have but to relive those moments again would be amazing. Maybe in time I can learn to be a happy adult. But, for now, I will just have some self-pity. Call me a baby but is what it is.
My feelings are valid.
Take care of yourself and hold on to the memories. Taylor Swift said it best: “Hold on to the memories they will hold on to you.”
Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
Recently our friends at Berry asked several men what they thought about women’s perceived “flaws.” The men were asked to be brutally honest, since they’d be anonymized anyway. Here it goes.
1. “I don’t even care about your arms.”
“I never see your “fat” or “untoned” arms — but it’s clear that you do every second of every day. Men are simple creatures. We fall into a few categories — and those categories don’t ever include arm guys. We like tits, ass, legs. So am I worried about your arms or knees or hands? No. I’m just looking at your tits and your ass. So have a great time with your arms.”
2. “Most bellies are fine.”
“I’ll be honest — if your belly is proportionate with the rest of your body, it’s fine. If a lady has a beer gut — well, sure, that can seem unattractive depending on the rest of her body, but more often than not, it’s just more cushion for the pushing’. We definitely don’t want to see someone who doesn’t care for their body, but we really aren’t as damning as you think.”
3. “Body shape means nothing to me.”
“Some men like really skeletal women and some men love curvy women. There’s a man out there that craves every type of women’s physique — and magazines or whatever teach you about literally ONE of those — or maybe two in the modern era of the curvy girl, but they don’t talk about the men who prefer bigger women or bottom-heavy girls or small-chested women. But we’re out there.”
4. “Your breasts are fine the way they are. Trust me”
“There are men who like all types of tits. Different size breasts, big nipples, small nipples, saggy boobs, big, small, full. What you see in magazines — ripe, firm, pert breasts — is probably not something they’ve ever seen in real life. Their experience of breasts is of the normal breasts, not these abnormally “perfect” ones (that are usually implants.) At the end of the day, if you like tits, you like tits. It has very little to do with size, I think. Shape trumps size any day, in my opinion.”
There are a lot of ways that out outfits and appearance can f*ck us over in terms of other people’s opinions of us, without us even noticing. Sure, we may have showered this morning, put on a brand new outfit and tried to look our absolute best, but there are small little details that fall through the cracks and in turn, make us look like we’re riding the Hot Mess Express.
15. Wearing clothing that has small rips, frays or tears in it.
Sometimes we leave the house in ripped jeans or jeans that are frayed at the bottom. While it’s a style statement and trend, sometimes, it makes us look disheveled and unorganized. Sometimes when we wear things too often and for too long, the threads start to wear and buttons begin to become loose – while you don’t think it’s a big deal, people notice.
14. Wearing too many accessories.
While accessorizing can spice up a plain outfit, going overboard can make any outfit look tacky and cheap. If you are going to a work setting or a really nice affair, you don’t want to overdo it by blinging out a fancy dress or pants suit. Keep it simple.
13. Not ironing your shirt/dress/skirt.
Sometimes when we leave the house in a rush, we don’t have time to iron everything. People will run out the door in a button-down shirt that looks like we’ve slept in it, a dress with way too many wrinkles or a skirt that needs to be fixed ASAP. Not ironing your clothing can make you look sloppy in appearance. And, what’s even better is they now sell hand steamers that you can buy and speed up the “ironing process” altogether.
12. Wearing hair ties as bracelets or accessories on your wrist.
It may seem convenient to keep your hair tie or a rubber band on your wrist in case you want to throw your hair up, but it also looks sloppy and makes you appear much younger than you are. It’s better off to put them in your bag, car, or desk at work incase you want it, rather than keeping it on your wrist all day long.
11. Wearing clothes that are too tight on you.
There comes a time in everyone’s life where we start gaining weight a bit faster than when we were younger – it’s called growing up. Our metabolism starts to slow down and all that pizza comes back in our faces whenever we look in the mirror. If you’re still wearing shirts and dresses from when you were 18-years-old and they definitely don’t fit anymore, people notice.
10. Carrying around a bag that’s too big in certain situations.
When you go to a job interview or a party, it’s better to carry a smaller bag than a large one. Also, you want to be sure the bag is in good condition and isn’t ripping or tearing anywhere, or that there are no dirty stains on it anywhere. Bigger bags can make you appear as though you’re trying too hard.
9. Visible bra straps.
While many women think showing your bra is a “feminist movement,” it does look sloppy and tacky in most social settings. In fact, if you’re wearing a shirt in which your bra is showing, it can even come off slutty and inappropriate – especially in a work setting.
8. Wearing oversized clothing.
Sometimes, with the right outfit, oversized clothes can be chic and cute. But, often times this isn’t the case and instead, appears sloppy and lazy. Finding clothes that are tailored to your body is the key to appearing professional and kept.
7. Day-old makeup.
Even though you think no one can tell your eyeliner and mascara is from last night, it’s pretty obvious when it’s smudged all over your face. It’s better off to wash your face and start fresh rather than be lazy and keep the same, cruddy makeup on. People will think you are irresponsible and trashy if you appear this way.
6. Animal hair on your clothes.
If you have a pet, it’s likely that they tend to shed all over your house and clothing. But, that’s why God invented lint brushes and rollers. Just because you have a dog doesn’t mean you want to show up to a meeting covered in dog hair – it just looks awful.
5. Sweaters with pills all over them.
Every girl knows there comes a time when we need to retire our favorite sweaters (RIP). Although we love them and had some good times in them, when they begin to get “pilly” it’s time to chuck them and get new ones. Wearing pilly sweaters make you look cheap and dirty.
4. Wearing the wrong shoes with the wrong outfit.
Even if you’re trying to be comfortable rather than classy, you can always throw sneakers in your bag for your commute home (which is what we all do). When you’re at the office or at a party/event, don’t show up in your sandals or sneakers just because you have to take the train home. It looks tacky and unfortunately gives off the vibe that you don’t care.
3. Wearing any clothing with stains.
Sure, you may have gotten oil on your favorite t-shirt, but that doesn’t mean you should continue wearing it just because it’s your favorite. If you can’t get a stain out, that means you have to replace whatever item you’ve stained. Going out with stained clothing is horrible for your appearance and will always make you look sloppy and disorderly.
2. Wearing white shirts/dresses/pants/skirts that are no longer bright white.
Eventually after owning white clothing for years, the white begins to fade and it becomes more of an off-white/gray. This is when you need to purchase new whites. Whites should be bright and clean, not dull and dirty. Wearing these “white” items will make you look cheap and as though you don’t wash your clothing often enough – or separate your laundry.
1. Dirty or chipped nails.
If you don’t take care of your nails, it’s an issue. Even if you’re not into getting them done or painting them, you should always clean them and cut them. If you do get manicures and your nail polish is overly chipped, that also is a sign of sloppiness and bad hygiene. The minute you see dirty under your nails, clean them. If they’re too long, cut them. If they’re chipping, take the nail polish off. Clean nails make you look cleanly and responsible.
We all have fond memories of sleepovers. Staying up late, watching crappy romantic comedies, talking about crushes and… other things. You may be glad to know that they’re still happening. I know I was, when I saw this story about a young man named Mason who wanted to attend a sleepover at his friend Houston’s house.
Thing is, Mason is a boy and Houston is a girl. That’s usually a no-go because of parents and deep concerns about their kids ever growing up. However, in this case, Mason is gay. So WHAT NOW, MOM?
Well Mason, a considerate gentleman, decided to just go ahead and ask Houston’s mom if it’d be okay if he, a boy who is not interested in any funny business with her daughter, joins the sleepover. That’s when the mom had the perfect response:
I’ve always been a hard worker throughout my entire life. Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I’ve had at least one job. Fast forward to college, I was interning in New York City three days a week, attending college full-time and waitressing at two restaurants to pay tuition and ensure I could graduate with a degree in the fields I was most passionate about. Long story short – I’ve always been a go-getter, someone who puts her work first and never, ever takes a handout. I started out interning at small, start-up companies in journalism and, worked my way up through several companies to be in a position I used to only dream about.
At the end of the day, my work and my passions will always come first. It’s one of the things I value most about myself – my work ethic. While it’s been the reason I’ve always succeeded in life, it’s also the reason I’ve had trouble in relationships. Throughout my life, every guy I’ve ever dated has had a “problem” with the amount of work I do. I never work one job, I’m always working over 40 hours a week and I usually make more money than my partner. Whatever the reason is, men have always given me sh*t for the way in which I choose to spend my time and conduct my life.
Where do I begin? I feel as though there are not enough words I can write to truly express all of the emotions that consume me on a regular basis knowing that you are gone. There are so many words I wish I could say to you, so many calls I wish I could make, so many moments I look at, wondering if you are somewhere off in a distant place watching me with pride.
The way in which you left this world was too abrupt. I wasn’t given the proper time to tell you everything I wanted to say. And I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you how much you truly mean to me, how much I need you in my life, how big of an impact you’ve had on me. I look back at our time spent together, knowing that I could have done more to be better—to do better, to be better to you and for you.
There are so many conversations I want to take back—how I wish I could rewind time and take the cruel insults I slurred at you in haste and anger back and swallow them whole. I feel like a beast—a demon—for speaking to you so cruelly. And I wish I had known then, what I know now—you never know when a word spoken can be the last.
I wonder so often if you are angry at me. And I wonder so often if you are at peace. I wonder so often if you are looking down on me, missing me, cheering me on, loving me from afar.
In the wake of the #MeToo Movement and survivors coming forward with their stories, there are a lot of emotions that come to light for me, as an assault survivor. While I support all victims and survivors and their stories, respect their decision to speak up and be part of a movement, and, disclose information in the way they see fit—for me, the movement has shed light on victims in a way that, I feel, uses them.
When I was 16-years-old, I was assaulted by someone who I was casually dating. The grasp of his hand wrapped around my wrists while I struggled to gasp for air outside fo his mouth on mine, his body pinned up against mine in the passenger seat while I tried to escape his hold on me—they all play in my mind like a black and white, silent movie. The screams I let out, weigh in the back of my mind. His hot breath creeps down my neck. I relive memories and moments of that night every single time I read a hashtag, a list, a story about #MeToo.
More often than not, women are speaking up about their own assault stories. To those who feel comfort and peace speaking up and coming forward, becoming part of a hashtag and part of a movement—that’s their own decision.
For me, personally and for my own story—I don’t feel that becoming part of a hashtag campaign will bring me peace. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want “sorry,” and, I don’t want to hear people telling me how I should cope.
My problem that comes with the #MeToo movement is that so often, people become desensitized to stories of abuse. The more we see them, the more that we normalize them. The same thing happens with violence on the news—the more we see it, the more we hear it, the more we expect it. Speaking up brings awareness, sure, but speaking up also makes it seem that it’s normal for this to happen to young women, who are impressionable and fragile—young and naive.
When people share this hashtag online, they have no idea how it can trigger a reaction—how the words can bring back memories that haunt us, ones we have tried for far too long to hide in the back of our minds—locked away, tucked under a box, with a lock and a key we threw out years ago. Not everyone wants to speak about their abuse, not everyone wants to share their stories. And, forcing individuals to speak up—telling them they should “share their story so we can show that toxic masculinity needs to end,” it’s an unfair pressure to put on assault survivors.
I’m not saying that people who are apart of the #MeToo movement are wrong—in fact, I commend their strength and honesty, their decision to speak out. What I am saying is that just because someone shares their story, does not mean I need to share mine. While many celebrities and advocates hope to have a “chain reaction,” where countless women speak up and share their story—for some of us, we just don’t want to.
Victims do not owe anyone their stories. And, it’s time we respect this.